Christmas Morning

Christmas eve ushers in a flurry of excitement because of family reunions, partaking of the Noche Buena or evening meal in our culture, the opening of gifts and late night chats over a glass of wine. It’s truly the busiest time of the year (at least in my country) especially as the traffic builds up in the metro and malls are open till midnight leading up to Christmas eve. This is also the time our calendars are filling up with get-togethers and parties of friends and family that we have not seen and will probably not see for the rest of the year. Busy is an understatement, really. Maybe chaotic is more like it? But I guess – joyful chaos is the more appropriate way to call it as the excitement is all about the spirit of giving and sharing. That is, after all, what the message of Christmas is all about right?

Whatever the noise and excitement that Christmas eve brought in somehow is brought to a slight halt on this particular day – Christmas morning. Yes – morning in particular. I woke up later than usual, which is good for me. I woke up ahead of everyone else and for me this is the peaceful time I long for. Alone time…listening to silence and the breathing of my husband who lies beside me in bed and the neighborhood’s birds chirping away.

In this silence however, I longed for some inspiration – someone my heart wanted to listen to. I opened my phone and as an OC person, I always have this habit of ticking off all unread emails (especially those that were sent as subscription updates) because I don’t really like seeing unread or unopened notifications on my apps. One email that has been consistently popping up is the one from Formed (a Catholic online revolutionary platform to bring the faith to more people around the world). They were offering Christmas specials that were only going to be available till the next 24 hours. Thinking I might miss this opportunity, I opened the email and found myself scanning through different options we could buy either for ourselves or as a gift to someone else. One particular offering that caught my attention was the one from Kitty Cleveland called God Will Provide. What got me was this phrase because this has been what I would call our battle cry as a family. Through all our challenges in life, we knew God will provide always and He will never ever leave us alone. All He asks of us is to throw our trust in Him.. in Him who knows all things.

I didn’t know who Kitty Cleveland was and what was her particular story. So I decided to Google her and find some information about her. I found myself opening YouTube and clicked on her testimony about her Divine Mercy miracle. I looked at the how long the video was and it was about an hour and seven minutes. Whoa.. I thought to myself.. this is pretty long. But I decided anyway to listen to her testimony.

I was hooked. This is exactly what I needed on this Christmas morning. Some inspiration drawing us back to the reason for the season – our Lord Jesus Christ.

This is her testimony that had me crying buckets at realizing how easily I could forget how Our Lord Jesus Christ was there for us – through Seve’s illness, through our financial losses, through storms that wrecked our home and through all other family challenges. He, my Lord and my Savior and my every reason for being – has carried me through it all! He has never abandoned me!

May you find inspiration as well in her Divine Mercy Miracle Story as I had. And although it is Christmas and Divine Mercy Sunday is still in April, I know that our God is a God of all seasons and He creates opportunities for you to find Him and love Him whatever season you are in, and wherever you may be.

Merry Christmas everyone and may you have a truly blessed New Year!

Pull Back a Little

My teenage son stood beside me, holding a glass that was half-dipped in sudsy water and waiting somewhat for me to clarify if he should continue dishwashing or not. In the interest of time and energy, I quickly retorted, “that’s ok, I’ll do it”.  He stepped back for me to take over washing the dishes. He said, “Mom, I can help, you know.” Instead of letting him finish up, I decided to do it and told him, “it’s okay, I just want to finish up fast.” So he stepped back and tried to do other things instead.

I took a moment the day after to reflect on what I just did and realized that I missed taking advantage of that teachable moment because I just wanted to do things my way.

This seems to be a problem affecting many parents – that sometimes, we take over many of the things that we could actually pass on to our kids as part of their learning years. Sometimes, we are too focused on getting things done fast and quickly so we can do other things that are still on our checklists. Ahh… the checklist mom is on the strike again!

Why do we do that? Well..finishing up fast is a valid reason. Of course we need to do other things and yes, we need our rest too. However, sometimes, in finishing up fast, we forget to appreciate what is far bigger than a task accomplished – the learning behind it. And in this case – our children’s own growth and maturity.

This is sometimes one of my challenges – to learn to let go and let the child experience doing things on their own. The challenge in attitude for me lies not in not wanting my kids to experience hard work, but rather in making life easier for me. And sometimes, that means doing things myself. I know it seems confusing but if I look into my motivations for taking over the job – it is because I want to be able to do things “my way”. And yes – there is a sense of comfort in knowing that you know exactly how you want things done and it’s done exactly in the way you want it.

Do I hear some nods here? Well, this is why we have to look into our inner motivations all the time. These are those underlying factors that drive us to do what we do. When I reflected on what my motivations were for doing “everything”, I realized it was to please myself. It somehow still focused on me.

As a parent, I have gradually learned that life is not all about me anymore. Life slowly has to be about raising the young lives entrusted to you. It’s about creating moments where your children will learn not only from what you teach them, but also from what you show them. They learn best by example, right?

As parents, we should mold our children into responsible, empathetic individuals by being responsible and empathetic individuals ourselves. We have to show them the way by taking that first step, walking the talk, as they say – even if it is not “comfortable” for us. Because parenting is not all about seeking our own comfort – it is about making another life as rich and as well-lived as possible and in the process, our lives become enriched and well-lived as well.

So, next time your child asks to do a task, allow him to. Or pass on some tasks to him. You’ve got to pull back a little – so your child moves forward!

Happy thoughts everyone!

My Mothers’ Month

The past three weeks had been quite different for our family as we had been without any help at all. For a family of ten, it was fun teaching the kids to do everything from cleaning the toilet, doing the laundry, throwing out the garbage and washing the dishes. Loving the work in the home is a personal passion of mine and to make it desirable and fun for the children to do was an exciting challenge for me. Although most of the work landed on me, I will not exchange it for the world. Happily, the children also took it on with a cheerful spirit.

As i prepare to thaw this whole chicken for the family dinner tonight, I take a moment to reflect on the life our dear Mother Mary who celebrates her birthday today. I think about how her life must have been while here on Earth – the kind of warmth of home she must have created for her family, doing every nitty gritty thing any mother does (at least those without help): washing pots and pans, cooking (and i imagine it must have been a challenge then because the gas stove had not yet been invented), doing the laundry and cleaning up and doing all these things for Love!!

I honor Our Lady for who she is and the influence she has had on my life and my family’s life. She is the epitome of how motherhood should be! Thank you for the inspiration and the love, Mama Mary!

Allow me also to say a few words about my dearest mother here on earth whom I know also draws inspiration from Our Lady and who also happens to be celebrating her birthday this month, Aurora Sabarre. Mom, thank you for teaching me what life is about, for teaching me to love the work in the home and to do it with excellence because it is in the home where every President or Pope or global leader that has changed the lives of others, came from. Thank you for teaching me to lift up in prayer every piece of spoon and fork that I wash, every piece of laundry that has to be done, every kind word that you say to anyone who passes by and to spend every moment with your family in the best way you can because each moment counts and each moment that passes is time that has passed and will never return.

Thank you once again, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Mama Mary! We love you dearly!

The Family Culture

In the course of my 40 plus years here on earth, I have come to meet different kinds of people -some of them I have had the chance to be closer to. As I had gotten to know them and their families more, I had also been able to develop my own realizations about how people come to be who they are in their adult years. This helped me also understand more why people behave the way they do and why their actions manifest in a certain way.

It’s not rocket science. And I am certain you have heard this before. In fact, behavioral studies have proven it to be so. But we often don’t believe unless we experience it ourselves and come face to face with people who may at some point, puzzle you with their behavior. In my case, when I had to understand people for my own sanity, I had to dig deep into analyzing their unique situations and family circumstances.

My realization? Again I am not a professionally trained psychologist here because my observations are all I have. However, I realized that behavioral studies conducted do corroborate my own observations and perhaps point to this truth: a person’s behavior is largely a result of the way they were raised as kids. The family culture – if I may call it – has a very big impact in how children live their lives later on as adults in society. They carry with them that culture wherever they go.

Children who were probably raised in an environment where they had to struggle hard for recognition may be motivated to channel their actions into activities that will merit such. The need for recognition could even be what drives them towards any kind of action. Whether it fulfills them in a deeper way or not, is really dependent on how they have matured as a person later on.

Just recently, I was chatting with my son who shared with me how surprised he was that some of his friends easily curse or spew “bad words” like they were regular adjectives in a sentence. My son could only shake his head. He asked me why do some of his friends do that. I threw him back a question: “What do you think?”. He answered, “maybe their parents allow it… or maybe their parents also do it? But why?”

I carried on with the conversation. I thought that this was possibly a teachable moment! I then replied that perhaps that could be the case. Or if it was picked up from some TV show or game, then perhaps their parents didn’t really correct them. If this was never addressed, then they grow up thinking this is the way to go and continue with their lives carrying this habit. As to why their parents allow it, I just had to say that – each family has their own way of raising their kids. What is acceptable for others may not be acceptable for us and we just have to respect the decisions and choices that these parents make for their own families.

The family – as they say –  is the most basic unit of society. This is a child’s first “community” where they learn and practice virtues, differentiate right from wrong, follow rules, respect authority, learn the concept of sharing and taking turns. To what degree this is practiced in the home, is really dependent on the parents.

Perhaps parents can take a moment to ask themselves: How do you envision your children growing up? Is the family environment conducive for the values that you want your family to espouse? How is the family culture developing? How intentional is your parenting?

You, as a parent, have been given this opportunity to shape the lives of your children. This in itself is already a major task but also a major blessing! Embrace this opportunity with all willingness and your parenting will follow through.

Happy thoughts everyone!

PS. Let me know what your thoughts are about this post! How is your family culture like? What do you hold important in your family?

 

 

Going on a Spiritual Retreat

I’ve always been a believer in the saying “a time for everything”. I’ve heard this time and again but never really fully understood the meaning of it until my life got a little bit “complicated” as I grew older. Your circle becomes wider and along with it, more commitments to honor as well. Before you know it, your commitments simply take more than double the number of hours in a day. It can truly get overwhelming if you don’t take control of what needs to be controlled – your time. It’s at this point when you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and examine your life, your time and the most important things.

At any point in your life – single or married – I think people should hold the highest priority. They may be your parents, siblings, husband/wife or children. If you put people first in your list, they will know the importance you give to them and that makes them happy. And wouldn’t life be joyful if the people in your life are happy? In the family, there is a noticeable and positive change in the people’s disposition.

Investing time in people who matter most to you is always a good thing. When the time comes when things get a little challenging, we can always draw out from the bank of happiness with the hope it will help carry us through this rough patch and look forward to happy times again.

For me, however, I find that the most important investment is time with God. Time spent with my creator is never a waste of time. I know that I am not only investing in my life in the here and now.. but am also investing in my life after. Time spent in a retreat is also time for oneself – a time to pause, reflect, perhaps recalibrate our goals and directions in life and fine tune what is needed in order to get our journey back on track. Are we headed in the direction we really want to.. or we are supposed to? We only have this one life to live on earth for a limited time.. and a life in eternity after. If you were to invest in anything – shouldn’t you put more weight into what is forever, right?

There’s always time we need to dedicate for the important things in our life – family, work, friends. But let us not forget to think of our life after.

Take that time to go on a spiritual retreat. Who knows? It may just change your life forever.

Happy thoughts everyone!

Advent

As a practice, my family always has breakfast together on weekend mornings. It’s the time of the week wherein we are all together because weekday mornings are usually filled with a lot of rush and the three boys usually leave for school very early. Yesterday morning, which was a Sunday, my husband Paul woke everybody up to have breakfast together. He made his rounds around the other rooms, raising the blinds and waking everybody up with a cheerful and upbeat tone. How could one not respond positively to that?

Over breakfast, we discussed our coming Christmas plans. I reminded them that we are still in the Advent season and although it eventually leads us to Christmas, it would be best that we prepare ourselves well for Christ’s birth. I shared with them that I will be printing an online calendar shared by a fellow parent on a homeschooling group I belong to and said this was one concrete way we could prepare ourselves better during Advent.

After that short discussion on Advent, Paul threw a question across the table for each one to answer: How did they view the year 2016? We somehow received almost similar answers from the kids ranging from “it wasn’t really that great but there were some good things” to “well.. it could be better..”

As I was listening to everyone’s comments, a thought came into my mind which I realized could be a good segue from what we were discussing earlier. I realized it was also a good opportunity to expound on the topic of  what we were all experiencing this whole year and to have a venue to air it out.

“Let’s ask Mom…. So, what did you think of 2016?”, Paul asked me directly.

Well… 2016 for me is my Advent.

It’s the time when we waited, we sacrificed, we endured, we offered, and we continue to hope. The year 2016 for us as a family was mostly that.

When my husband lost his job which he had held for the past 9 years, suddenly everything sort of came crashing down on us. Financially, we have been trying to balance everything and we all know this is sometimes almost impossible. Although we had our 2 businesses, it was never enough because the businesses also had to pay bills. Our clients paid us late so we also had to adjust with our own payables… and we still are. We couldn’t enroll the kids for their homeschool supplemental classes because we were surviving on a day-to-day basis. We had enough for our food on the table and that’s about it. We were driven to our most humbled selves as never before. This is for us now purgatory on earth.

But as difficult as our situation may be, I rest in the fact that it is just Advent. The meaning of it all is really to prepare ourselves for the greater feast of Christmas where there is joy!

We all have advents in our lives and it is precisely during this time when we take a look at ourselves and see concretely how we can grow to become a better person, a better child of God. Sometimes, we seek our own advent actively – but at other times, it comes passively – just as it had come for our family this year. But for me, the one important virtue that we should continue to have throughout is hope. It’s what carries us through the advent of our lives and also what fuels our faith.

May you all have a truly meaningful advent and joyful Christmas this 2016!

 

Learning from Loss

September 26, 2009 was when the typhoon Ondoy almost engulfed the whole city we lived in. I was left with then six of my seven children at home with our househelps when the waters rose to unimaginable levels leaving many of our neighbors stranded on their rooftops for almost two days with no food nor water.. just their sheer will to survive the horrible trauma we all found ourselves in. Unfortunately for some, even their will was overtaken by this tragedy and many found themselves not only without their homes, but worse, without their loved ones.

No one could have ever imagined something like Ondoy would happen. I know for many of us, we have at the back of our minds that the end perhaps was imminent. But maybe we thought we would have gone ahead of everyone else should it have happened. For me however, I pondered on that possibility. I thought to myself, “am I going to be like one of those foolish virgins in the Bible who had not prepared for the coming of the bridegroom?”.

Stress enveloped me but I felt the need to set my thoughts aside and had to think quickly for the sake of those who needed me most at that moment – my children. My primary objective was to ensure everyone’s safety – each of the six children who were with me. I zoned into the “task and checklist” mentality.. this one first, then the next, then the next, making sure I had everything covered before moving on to the next step.

Maybe that approach helped me get my children to safety, thank goodness. With the help of kind neighbors, we managed to find our way to the balcony of another neighbor’s house crossing rooftops and windows – safe in the meantime, but drenched from the rain and shaken and hungry.

As the waters rose, the night slowly covered everything in complete darkness. Everything was dark, including any hope that we may be rescued right away. In the moment that I had to myself, I realized we may have just lost our home and all our belongings. If ever those were recovered, it would have all been immersed in thick muddy water.

My children’s favorite toys also all gone. The hand-me-downs that we had so carefully preserved till they would fit my children… also all gone. Our wedding album, our children’s albums. No clothes, no food, no water, no home. The reality of loss slowly enveloped me. However, it did not depress me.

I quickly snapped out of it and thanked the Lord for giving us our life – maybe in its most basic form now – but life, nevertheless. As with any living thing, when nourished well, it can grow and be strong again. We may have lost all our material possessions, but we had each other. And that for me was all that mattered now. I hugged each of my children who were with me that night and assured them we will get out of this mess soon. I told them       that we may not be able to return to our house yet right away because it will need a lot of cleaning. In time, I said, things will fall back in order.

We were eventually rescued at around five in the morning of the following day. My husband Paul and my brother Henry with the help of the frog men from the Marines commandeered a raft that pulled us out of the house we were in.

We finally saw the breaking of day, and for me – that only signalled a fresh start, a new beginning. With everything that has happened, I didn’t exactly know where to start, but I threw all cares and just trusted that God will lead us to take the first step in rebuilding our lives.

Not too long after, news about our situation and rescue reached many of our friends and help started to come. Many donated clothes, shoes, kitchen appliances, dinnerware. The donations just kept on pouring that we ended up with more things than we had prior to the typhoon! The donations were overwhelming to say the least.

My husband decided that despite our loss, excess should have no place in our home. We needed only to take what was necessary and in return, also donate to others who were in the same, if not, worse situation. With this, we asked our children to get only 3 to 4 pairs of shoes they needed and return the rest into the box. One by one, we sorted out what we felt we could use and set aside everything else for donating.

Our typhoon Ondoy experience gave me a lot to chew on. It taught me to value life for its purpose – to be lived in its fullness in whatever circumstance you’re in. Living life to the fullest doesn’t only mean taking what is there; it’s also giving what you have. It is in giving a part of yourself wilfully that you truly understand what compassion is and what charity is. Loss is only God’s way of telling us not to be attached to any material thing because it can slip out of our hands at any moment. What we have is not ours to keep forever – they’re simply means to our end. They’re provisions given by God for us to work better towards fulfilling our purpose in life. These provisions He can give and take away anytime and we have to learn how to accept this. And when we do, we grow in our faithfulness and in our trust in Him.

Happy thoughts everyone!