Heart of Homeschooling

Oh wow, I can’t believe this just happened.

I’ve always thought as a kid how wonderful it is to be an anchor on the news, or a reporter. This fascination eventually led me to take up Communications in college – a course I genuinely had fun doing.

However, life sometimes takes you to different places and somehow, that fascination didn’t find realization in my life. Instead, I went into early childhood education and play: causes that I am so passionate about.

Fast forward to 2021 – amidst a global pandemic, we find ourselves with a situation and an opportunity. As for me, it’s also an opportunity to merge these two interests of mine – talking/hosting and children’s causes. Enter the Heart of Homeschooling Show. It came up during a brainstorming session on how we could possibly promote the homeschooling program we were launching and over shared experiences on the challenges in finding the right content that’s relevant to our local setting,

It was a quick move. Parties involved felt that we should just go for it! So I listed down a set of topics for us to talk about and drew up a list of who we could invite as guests. Then we set up a date for our first batch shoot (1st and 2nd episodes) and agreed on a launch date! That’s today, Sept 11 and we premiere at 8pm!

We’ve obviously had mistakes and a lot of realizations after the first 2 episodes. But these are something we can just laugh about and work on improving in the succeeding ones.

So, join us tonight at the Heart of Homeschooling Show. You can catch the show here:

Facebook
YouTube

Till then… happy thoughts everyone!

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

I’ve recently had a get-together with fellow moms over coffee talking about essential oils and their benefits. And as what moms usually do – we chat about anything and everything under the sun.. but mostly about what concerns us the most – our families and our homes.

With over 8 moms gathered in that room, it turns out half of us don’t have house help anymore and another one only has one. This got me thinking about how the Filipino family is evolving now. More and more families are living without the traditional member of the family – the househelp (or maids as others would call it – but I never liked and never felt comfortable using the term). As they say, we are becoming “Americanized” – family members doing their own cooking, laundry and housekeeping.

For many centuries, the Filipino family has had a reliable helper or two, or even three as part of their household. In fact, I know of a family that had more helpers than the family members!  Throughout the years, Filipino houses were constructed to include a helper’s room and some even their own toilet. If you happen to chance upon an ad for a house for sale, don’t be surprised to find that as an added “feature”, it will say there “Maid’s room with t&b”.

Our reliable helpers usually came from the provinces of the head of the households. Some were even extended families – 2nd or 3rd degree cousins who were financially challenged and needed to send support to families back home.  As it became more challenging to find help for those who have migrated to the big cities, families turned to agencies who supply domestic help. When I was a child, this was already quite unusual for me because we considered househelp really as part of the family and someone we always had some connection to. I also heard a lot of horror stories about these agencies who people say don’t really screen their candidates.

But over the past couple of years, helpers have become increasingly difficult to find. About 10 or so years ago, I never had difficulty finding help as I always had somebody to replace the one who left. Since last year however, I have maintained one help who had eventually asked to leave last March to work abroad. How could I compete with the salary of that?

Before she left however, I had been running through in my mind how I would eventually manage without someone you can rely on, on a daily basis. I was thinking more of who will be left with the smaller ones if I had to attend meetings, and to help me make sure there is food on the table in case I got stuck in traffic somewhere and it was lunchtime.

The workload I felt was something I could manage. I had never been one to pass off to the helper what I can do myself. I guess I had practiced  this underlying principle that there’s no one else you can rely on except yourself, so better do it yourself. This is also the same principle I try to pass on to my kids when it comes to doing things at home. If they want it, then they have to get it themselves. If they’d like a glass of milk, or want a snack, then they prepare it themselves.

It’s been two months now that we haven’t had a helper and yes, although there were some challenges and some still happening, I think I’d like to say, we’ve survived and are doing pretty well. Obviously there were many adjustments I had to do – waking up extra early to be able to prepare breakfast for the family, sorting the laundry of everyone else, making sure living room is in order, etc. But it has also taught me one important lesson – to not sweat the small stuff. As a person who is obsessive-compulsive down to how my slippers should be arranged just before I lie down in a perfect supine position, this I think, is one achievement. Learning to let go and accept a less-than-perfect table setting is perfectly alright. Maybe the cabinet door is ajar? Leave it. We won’t die if it’s left that way. One shoe not tucked neatly inside the shoe cabinet? Geez.. the kids will just find the other pair on their own.

Now some people may think – this is crazy! Disorder is more the norm than the exception! Yes it may be true for some..  and the struggle could be incorporating physical order in their homes. Quite the opposite for those who perhaps are like me who have to fight off the temptation to smoothen out ever inch of wrinkle on our bed covers. It is a REAL struggle – one which I am faced with everyday. Not a life-threatening one, but still a struggle.

One thing I had to learn to face is the reality that in a home with many kids, we have to embrace some kind of disorder so your children learn to have fun and relax. You don’t want them to grow up in a home that is too immaculately clean and organized that when they face the chaos of the outside world, they are shocked, and worse, are left unable to adjust being around different kinds of people. You want them to be resilient and flexible.

I feel that although my kids should grow up in an environment that knows clean and order, it shouldn’t dictate one’s life. In my observation, children who grow up in homes that maintain a certain level of cleanliness and orderliness imbibe this virtue well into their adult years and help them establish a certain flow in their lives that help them become “settled” individuals. However, I’ve also observed that those who are bound strictly to that rule at home become inflexible and rigid – something I never want for my own kids.

Well, we are all a work in progress, as they say, and we never stop learning and growing as a person. So as I grow in my parenting style, I am also learning to “undo” certain traits in order to acquire others. For now, it’s learning not to be too demanding with the little things to give my kids more room to learn in an atmosphere of love and understanding. We grow inasmuch as we need to – to continue being able to give to the people who are with us in this journey called life.

Happy thoughts everyone!

Nurturing The Nurturer

 

We mothers are the natural nurturers of our families. Our kids naturally run to us anytime and for anything – from a scratch on the knee to helping them solve math problems and even to clarifying philosophical ideas they don’t really fully understand. Not to mention, our own husbands look forward to our warm embraces at the end of a very stressful day. It’s almost second nature for us mothers to just give of ourselves to the most important people in our lives! And at least for me – it gives me sheer joy and a sense of fulfillment doing this.

However, I’ve always believed that you can’t give what you don’t have – or you can’t give what you have run out of! We can really only give so much from our own cup – but if our cups are running empty, then there’s nothing we can give. We need to fill our own cups and do so consistently because our family needs don’t stop. Our kids need us sometimes well enough until they are adults themselves! At least in my case, I turn to my dear mother every now and then to seek her wisdom on some matters. And if she is to be my measure of how mothers should be, then for me, she is one mom whose cup never runs low. I know that this is so only because she finds the time to constantly refill it.

As mothers, we should really seek the time to let ourselves be nourished. We have to learn to take care and nurture ourselves not only for us but also for our families. One concrete way I have realized is to do this through prayer, reading and fellowship with other mothers! We need to learn how to cultivate a culture of spending a few minutes of quiet time either in prayer or reading and just let ourselves be immersed in that moment and be enriched with the words from that book!

We have to consider of course that each mother’s circumstance differs from one another and we have to recognize our unique situations and learn to flow with it. But whatever circumstance you’re in, I find that it is necessary to just stop, and take yourself away to a quiet area in your home and do your prayer or reading time alone. It may be in the morning while the kids are asleep, or maybe after lunch when the other kids may be napping, or late at night when the lights are off for everybody else in the house. For me I find that the early morning hours a great time to do my reading or prayer time. However, I have the need to do it again in the afternoon so I try to find another pocket of time to do that.

Another source of nourishment for me is listening to podcasts. I have been hooked on Pam Barnhill’s and Sarah Mackenzie’s podcasts lately because I find in them the content I exactly need as a mother. So I really seek out the time to listen to their podcasts. Since I often find myself spending a lot of time on the road driving for my kids, I use that time on the road to listen to their different episodes. And this particular episode actually  inspired me to write this blog post about nurturing the nurturer. I hope you can find the time to listen to this and maybe discover more inspiration in the other espisodes!

 

Pull Back a Little

My teenage son stood beside me, holding a glass that was half-dipped in sudsy water and waiting somewhat for me to clarify if he should continue dishwashing or not. In the interest of time and energy, I quickly retorted, “that’s ok, I’ll do it”.  He stepped back for me to take over washing the dishes. He said, “Mom, I can help, you know.” Instead of letting him finish up, I decided to do it and told him, “it’s okay, I just want to finish up fast.” So he stepped back and tried to do other things instead.

I took a moment the day after to reflect on what I just did and realized that I missed taking advantage of that teachable moment because I just wanted to do things my way.

This seems to be a problem affecting many parents – that sometimes, we take over many of the things that we could actually pass on to our kids as part of their learning years. Sometimes, we are too focused on getting things done fast and quickly so we can do other things that are still on our checklists. Ahh… the checklist mom is on the strike again!

Why do we do that? Well..finishing up fast is a valid reason. Of course we need to do other things and yes, we need our rest too. However, sometimes, in finishing up fast, we forget to appreciate what is far bigger than a task accomplished – the learning behind it. And in this case – our children’s own growth and maturity.

This is sometimes one of my challenges – to learn to let go and let the child experience doing things on their own. The challenge in attitude for me lies not in not wanting my kids to experience hard work, but rather in making life easier for me. And sometimes, that means doing things myself. I know it seems confusing but if I look into my motivations for taking over the job – it is because I want to be able to do things “my way”. And yes – there is a sense of comfort in knowing that you know exactly how you want things done and it’s done exactly in the way you want it.

Do I hear some nods here? Well, this is why we have to look into our inner motivations all the time. These are those underlying factors that drive us to do what we do. When I reflected on what my motivations were for doing “everything”, I realized it was to please myself. It somehow still focused on me.

As a parent, I have gradually learned that life is not all about me anymore. Life slowly has to be about raising the young lives entrusted to you. It’s about creating moments where your children will learn not only from what you teach them, but also from what you show them. They learn best by example, right?

As parents, we should mold our children into responsible, empathetic individuals by being responsible and empathetic individuals ourselves. We have to show them the way by taking that first step, walking the talk, as they say – even if it is not “comfortable” for us. Because parenting is not all about seeking our own comfort – it is about making another life as rich and as well-lived as possible and in the process, our lives become enriched and well-lived as well.

So, next time your child asks to do a task, allow him to. Or pass on some tasks to him. You’ve got to pull back a little – so your child moves forward!

Happy thoughts everyone!

My Mothers’ Month

The past three weeks had been quite different for our family as we had been without any help at all. For a family of ten, it was fun teaching the kids to do everything from cleaning the toilet, doing the laundry, throwing out the garbage and washing the dishes. Loving the work in the home is a personal passion of mine and to make it desirable and fun for the children to do was an exciting challenge for me. Although most of the work landed on me, I will not exchange it for the world. Happily, the children also took it on with a cheerful spirit.

As i prepare to thaw this whole chicken for the family dinner tonight, I take a moment to reflect on the life our dear Mother Mary who celebrates her birthday today. I think about how her life must have been while here on Earth – the kind of warmth of home she must have created for her family, doing every nitty gritty thing any mother does (at least those without help): washing pots and pans, cooking (and i imagine it must have been a challenge then because the gas stove had not yet been invented), doing the laundry and cleaning up and doing all these things for Love!!

I honor Our Lady for who she is and the influence she has had on my life and my family’s life. She is the epitome of how motherhood should be! Thank you for the inspiration and the love, Mama Mary!

Allow me also to say a few words about my dearest mother here on earth whom I know also draws inspiration from Our Lady and who also happens to be celebrating her birthday this month, Aurora Sabarre. Mom, thank you for teaching me what life is about, for teaching me to love the work in the home and to do it with excellence because it is in the home where every President or Pope or global leader that has changed the lives of others, came from. Thank you for teaching me to lift up in prayer every piece of spoon and fork that I wash, every piece of laundry that has to be done, every kind word that you say to anyone who passes by and to spend every moment with your family in the best way you can because each moment counts and each moment that passes is time that has passed and will never return.

Thank you once again, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Mama Mary! We love you dearly!

Teaching Your Kids How to Love House Chores

I love doing house chores! That may sound weird since house chores are always associated with boring, manual work. But when I took a moment to reflect on why I felt this way, I realized it’s probably because I had observed my Mother lovingly do the house chores at home. I remember hearing her sing while washing the dishes or cleaning the dining table. I remember her excitedly sharing with me how she was able to try out a new recipe with what she found in the market that morning. Oh, how she loves the market! She even became friends with some of the vendors there and gives them personal advice on family matters. Somehow, when I think about it, perhaps, it was a subliminal message. Seeing my mother do all these things with care and love and affection, allowed me to see house chores in that light as well.

And so, as I now have my own family, I continue to do my house chores happily. So far, I’m happy to see that some of my children are clearly picking it up and loving the work as well. I put a little twist, however. I added an element of play to it. I was trained as a preschool teacher and play worker and thought that perhaps making chores a little more fun and playful would be one good way to surely get all the kids more involved. So for parents who are still about to get your kids more involved in house work, here are some techniques that I learned along the way, and am happy to share them with you. Let me know what worked for you and if you think you’d like to add a few of your own approaches.

1. Sit your children down and chat with them

If you were to get into something that would involve your time and effort, wouldn’t you want to know what kind of commitment it will take? Well, children are like that as well. They will want to know why they need to clean their room, fix their beds and sweep the floor. Explain to them as clearly as possible why. Sometimes, it may not be because the help has gone away. Maybe it could just be that you would like them more involved in the house work. So you can simply say, “Well, Daddy and I have been thinking that you’re big enough to be Daddy and Mommy’s helper at home and help take off some of the work that we are doing for everyone. You will really be a big help to Dad and Mom”. By saying this, you empower them to actually be on the giving of help end rather than on the receiving end. For a young child of 5 or 6, that is so invigorating! It is almost an exhilarating feeling to realize that the power to make the most important people in their life feel better and happier lies in their hands – and in their “yes” to do a house chore.

When you sit them down, you can make it fun by putting some excitement in your voice and ask them, “Who wants to be in charge of washing the dishes? Of collecting the glasses after dinner?” Before you know it, they will try to outdo each other in taking on specific chores. Kids get excited when it sounds like a “race”.

2. Be specific

This technique works especially well with younger children. If you have more than one child, you have to be specific about what you want each one of them to do. Or, you can start by asking them what they would like to do. Then you, as a parent, have to be equitable in the distribution of tasks so no one complains and compares. Otherwise, this is where the issues come up. It has to be clear with everyone why you are asking your 6-year old to just pack away the place mats while you ask your 11-year old to wash the dishes. Explain to all your kids that we are not all capable of doing the same tasks at different ages. There are always some tasks that younger ones will not be able to do yet, or it will be more risky for them to do it, such as possibly breaking dishes when they’re washing. When they reach the right age, work will gradually become more complex for them. Take the time to explain. When you take the time to make them understand, they will appreciate the reason behind it.

3. Give feedback

When your children start engaging in the task assigned to them, make sure to give them positive feedback. Try not to criticize even if you feel like doing so. Give them lots of thanks and encouragement. Sometimes, there are some children who validate themselves by the feedback you give them. It can make or break them! If they’ve done the task for the day, take the time to check on their work (either as they are doing it or after they’ve done it) and give feedback. You may say, “You did a good job in sweeping the floor! I’m so happy you can clean your room this way!” And if you feel they need some improvement in the work, you can say, “I’m glad you did your task well today. Maybe tomorrow, we can just try to wipe this part and it will even be more clean!” Don’t forget to say it with a smile. A smile is always encouraging!

4. Pull back

Let’s face it. Your child’s work may not be as good as if you had done the work yourself. For sure, there will be a missed spot, still some leftover food UNDER the table even after they’ve swept it, or a pillow that’s out of place. The important thing is that they did it. As with any baby learning to walk, it takes time and practice till they get it.  We have to keep encouraging them to keep on and develop the virtue of persistence and in the process try to imbibe the virtue of excellence in doing the task they are assigned to do.

We need to grow in patience as well, parents! Navigating the world of parenting is never an easy task especially when we struggle against the habits we ourselves are trying to get rid of. It does help to live out being a role model to your children. This alone sometimes forces us out of our own vices. It helps to know that children will always have a special spot in their hearts for their parents and they are most forgiving when we fail in some of the values we try to teach them. It also makes them realize that we too, are just human –  capable of making mistakes. What ultimately matters is that they see us doing the best we can and that they know we love them no matter what.

Happy thoughts everyone!

 

 

Starting the Year

Happy New Year everyone!!

It’s a new year and they say the perfect time to start all over again. Begin with new resolutions and hopefully see them through the rest of the year.

As for my husband and I – me much earlier than him because I picked it up from my group of friends way back when I was still single – we write a couple of goals we would like to accomplish for the coming year. The first time I was invited to do that was with my college friends and it was already the second year they did it. It was a goal reading and planning session I had that night with them and I was happy to hear that all of my friends who were there that night accomplished 90% of their goals! From changing career paths or getting promoted, to buying a new car or even as simple as finishing a book or going on a retreat.

That night, there was a lot of positivity surrounding us. Each one was congratulating the other for the goals accomplished and encouraging each one to keep on for the goals that were still in the process of being accomplished. No one was being negative about it at all – just a lot of hopefulness.

After we read out our goals for the new year, we had each one sign on our piece of paper as a way to “seal” our support for each other’s plans. We ended the session with a short prayer to bless our goals and always with the intention of keeping it aligned with the will of God. We capped the night of friendship and camaraderie over glasses of wine. It is something to celebrate after all!

Since it’s still the first week of January, why not consider writing down your goals? As a way to narrow it down, we divided the goals into different aspects: Personal, Professional, Financial and Spiritual. And if you have a family of your own, you can already include Family as one of your goals as what my husband and I did.

Say a prayer before you start – lifting up all your hopes and dreams up and asking them to be blessed by God so you become more effective in all your plans.

Blessings dear friends! And may all your goals come true!

Happy thoughts, everyone!!

Making Time for Reading

Hello everyone!

As a wife to a busy husband who happens to be my business partner as well, and mom to 8, squeezing in some inspirational reading can be quite a challenge. I think for most moms this can be true. It’s finding that much needed moment of peace where you are alone with just your book (or Kindle or Ebook reader) and allowing the words to interact with your own thoughts and be open to stirrings in your heart. With everything that we have to do for the day, we barely notice that time has passed until you feel the exhaustion and you can’t wait till you lie down on your bed to retire for the day. Sounds familiar? Well, it certainly does to me. I was beginning to feel that way for the past few months most especially in the last month or so when our househelp left for a vacation. I desperately tried to be the thinker and doer at the same time and tried to balance everything and keep everyone happy. I was resigned to the thought that mothers were really destined to be this way.

Well, I know it can’t be too far away from the truth, but it’s not all that desperate. Yes there are realities we all have to face – we have to make breakfast, laundry has to be done, bathrooms have to be cleaned, the kids need you to be with them and hubby needs you to do some important things for him. Busy-ness comes with motherhood yes, and that’s a fact. But being overwhelmed and consumed by it doesn’t have to. Homeschool mom, author and speaker Sarah Mackenzie says,  “A mama who pours herself out each day needs to be filled up..”. We need to be refilled every so often – and yes maybe even everyday so we can continue to give ourselves to those who especially need us the most. There are ways we can find pockets of time to be able to collect ourselves, refocus and even be inspired to keep on. We really need to find those few minutes of time just for ourselves to carry on with what we know is good for us and for our families.

After many chats with friends, I’ve heard of different techniques to find time for themselves and some are really amusing. A friend of mine “hides” in the bathroom and tells her kids she’s taking a shower and to just wait for her till she’s done. So her kids leave her in peace and are happy to give her 10 or so minutes to finish up. I’ve actually found that technique to be quite effective and every now and then, the bathroom becomes a retreat (weird as that may sound, but true!)

I’ve also realized that keeping a book in the bathroom and finding those 10 minutes of reading everyday can actually inspire you! My bathroom read is a collection of inspiring stories from Regina Brett called Be The Miracle. The chapters are short enough to finish in a couple minutes and since it’s meant to be an inspirational book, it leaves you encouraged and inspired to make those little positive differences in the lives of people around you…. yes…even the moment you step out of the bathroom..

Have faith dear friends and fellow moms. And never forget to inject humor into your life. Find something funny everyday – laugh at even the most silly of jokes because life is meant to be lived happily to its fullest!

Happy thoughts everyone!